Monday, February 2, 2009

Can't believe it and very Upset over it

I can't believe that we are having to pack everything up. My mom and boyfriend (hubby) are having to pack everything up because I am very depressed and emotional and at this point really don't care what happens because of having to move.

I just can't believe we lost the home. It is not all our fault and it is alot on the mortgage company too. If they would have just communicated to us about everything we would be able to stay here. It is not right and there are so many mixed emotions going through my mind and head right now.

I am sorry to keep talking about it all the time but I just don't have anyone to talk to and explain what is going on with me. It is hurting me so badly. Last night me and Rob (Hubby) got into a fight because I asked him when he got done eating if he could go and make the bed. I told him I was not feeling well and was in a lot of pain and started to cry and said I was very depressed as well. Than he yelled back at me and said "Well you don't have to take everything out on me" and I was like what the heck did I do? I was so dumb founded. Like what did I do or what did I say by just asking him if he could go and make the bed up. See he has to help me to the room being I am handicapped and can't walk all that well.

So, he did do it but than when we got into the room I asked him what that was all about and he said he is sorry that he took me wrong. I was like I am not the one you need to be taking this out on because I am here for you. So, he did apologize and give me a hug and kiss and all but still it is the point of it. I didn't say anything wrong and he has been doing this alot lately.

I know everyone is hurting and having so many different emotions and all. I understand that. It is really hard on me and my mom the most because we both are emotional people and cry over everything.

The walls are starting to look bare and I can't believe it. What am I going to do??? I am just so upset and I don't want to go and I just want to stay. What can I do to still stay? Does anyone have any answers for me????

Well, they have a POD coming tomorrow if we don't get a foot of snow. No but we are suppose to get at least 4 inches of snow tomorrow and I don't know if they will deliver the POD than or not. They are suppose to be here sometime between 3pm and 5pm tomorrow. So, I don't know. We are getting one of them 16 foot PODS.

That is another reason why I am so upset because I had to call and set that up today. Most of the stuff I have to do because my stepfather is really sick and can't stay awake anymore and my mom is trying all she can do to pack up everything and try to do what she can do without her back giving out on her. She has a very bad back which has over 6 herniated discs. I don't know what I would do without her she is my EVERYTHING. She is the one that helps us out with cooking and most the cleaning when my hubby (ROB) is not here.

Well, I know this is enough about what is going on in my life but I just had to talk to you all because I just don't have any friends to call or contact and vent a little on and don't have any friends here locally at all.

Well, I guess I better go for now and get ready for bed. I am hurting really bad I was going to the bathroom this evening and my knee gave out and popped out on me and now I can't walk even more. So, I am going to have to take some Tylenol (cheap kind from Walmart) and get some sleep if I can. Which I know I will not because of the pain and stress level I am under this evening.

Thank you all for listening and reading if I can I will get on tomorrow if I can but I don't know. I will keep you all posted.

We still have not heard anymore on if my step-grandfather is going to be able to help us out with this place outside of town. We are waiting to see if he can get the approval so keep your fingers crossed for that or keep them crossed for good news on staying here where we are at now.

Please if anyone has any advice I am all ears and eyes and would love to hear some feedback from you all. Thanks again for everything and look forward to talking with you all again soon. Take care and many hugs, lots of love and many prayers, KAT :OD


Joyce said...

I am so sad for you and your family. I wish I could do or say something to fix things for you, but that's not possible. Change is so hard, but maybe it won't be as bad as you feel like it will.
My prayers are with you.
Hugs, Joyce

Anonymous said...

This makes me sad to read this, but I just know you are all going to be ok. Its hard to change when the change is not your choice, I know this from personal experience. But it will be ok, I promise you will get through it and at the end you will look back and say "that was hard but I did it!" Good luck to you and your family.