Can't believe it and very Upset over it

I can't believe that we are having to pack everything up. My mom and boyfriend (hubby) are having to pack everything up because I am very depressed and emotional and at this point really don't care what happens because of having to move.

I just can't believe we lost the home. It is not all our fault and it is alot on the mortgage company too. If they would have just communicated to us about everything we would be able to stay here. It is not right and there are so many mixed emotions going through my mind and head right now.

I am sorry to keep talking about it all the time but I just don't have anyone to talk to and explain what is going on with me. It is hurting me so badly. Last night me and Rob (Hubby) got into a fight because I asked him when he got done eating if he could go and make the bed. I told him I was not feeling well and was in a lot of pain and started to cry and said I was very depressed as well. Than he yelled back at me and said "Well you don't have to take everything out on me" and I was like what the heck did I do? I was so dumb founded. Like what did I do or what did I say by just asking him if he could go and make the bed up. See he has to help me to the room being I am handicapped and can't walk all that well.

So, he did do it but than when we got into the room I asked him what that was all about and he said he is sorry that he took me wrong. I was like I am not the one you need to be taking this out on because I am here for you. So, he did apologize and give me a hug and kiss and all but still it is the point of it. I didn't say anything wrong and he has been doing this alot lately.

I know everyone is hurting and having so many different emotions and all. I understand that. It is really hard on me and my mom the most because we both are emotional people and cry over everything.

The walls are starting to look bare and I can't believe it. What am I going to do??? I am just so upset and I don't want to go and I just want to stay. What can I do to still stay? Does anyone have any answers for me????

Well, they have a POD coming tomorrow if we don't get a foot of snow. No but we are suppose to get at least 4 inches of snow tomorrow and I don't know if they will deliver the POD than or not. They are suppose to be here sometime between 3pm and 5pm tomorrow. So, I don't know. We are getting one of them 16 foot PODS.

That is another reason why I am so upset because I had to call and set that up today. Most of the stuff I have to do because my stepfather is really sick and can't stay awake anymore and my mom is trying all she can do to pack up everything and try to do what she can do without her back giving out on her. She has a very bad back which has over 6 herniated discs. I don't know what I would do without her she is my EVERYTHING. She is the one that helps us out with cooking and most the cleaning when my hubby (ROB) is not here.

Well, I know this is enough about what is going on in my life but I just had to talk to you all because I just don't have any friends to call or contact and vent a little on and don't have any friends here locally at all.

Well, I guess I better go for now and get ready for bed. I am hurting really bad I was going to the bathroom this evening and my knee gave out and popped out on me and now I can't walk even more. So, I am going to have to take some Tylenol (cheap kind from Walmart) and get some sleep if I can. Which I know I will not because of the pain and stress level I am under this evening.

Thank you all for listening and reading if I can I will get on tomorrow if I can but I don't know. I will keep you all posted.

We still have not heard anymore on if my step-grandfather is going to be able to help us out with this place outside of town. We are waiting to see if he can get the approval so keep your fingers crossed for that or keep them crossed for good news on staying here where we are at now.

Please if anyone has any advice I am all ears and eyes and would love to hear some feedback from you all. Thanks again for everything and look forward to talking with you all again soon. Take care and many hugs, lots of love and many prayers, KAT :OD

Yet Another Day in Delaware

Well, I am still here but not know how or why. I am just getting depresser by the day. I have tried everything I can do to find another home that will accommodate us all to even trying to save the home we are all ready in. It is totally hard when you don't have a lot of money and no credit to get anything.

Today is another day and everyone is still giving me lots of run arounds.

A friend of mine did a search on the Internet to see what type of bank/mortgage company Litton Loan Servicing really are and boy did she find some really bad stuff on them. If you ever want to look it up go to http://www.google.com and type in either Litton Loan Servicing in Houston, TX or Complaints Litton Loan Servicing or even Litton Loan Servicing and see what you find out.

Here are just a few of the links that I got sent to me about all this...
(You can look or you don't have to look at all just thought I would share with everyone about how bad this company is.)


Consumer Affairs http://www.consumeraffairs.com/finance/litton_loan.html

Class Action Suit Against Litton Loan Servicing http://www.lieffcabraser.com/loan-servicing.htm

Ripoff Report http://www.ripoffreport.com/searchresults.asp?q5=Litton+Loan&searchtype=0&q1=ALL&q3=&q2=&q7=&q4=&q6=&start=0

Better Business Bureau (BBB) http://houston.bbb.org/WWWRoot/Report.aspx?site=148&bbb=0915&firm=68538

Complaints Board http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/litton-loan-servicing-c8710.html

Complaints.com http://www.complaints.com/directory/2005/february/25/36.htm


Well, we are still waiting to hear from the Attorney's but I know we will not so we are going to call them back tomorrow as it will be the 3 business day but I know they will give us another run around because they really don't want to talk to us anyway. We are still in touch with Mr. Allan Angel with Levy Court even though he is not in our district he is still trying to help us out as much as he can do. I was reading today that I could have tried to get a H4H if Litton would have told us about that. It is called H4H (Hope 4 Homeownership) it is a new program President Bush put into effect back in October 2008. I have to read up on it more in detail to see if we could have been able to do it but I just thought I would let others know if you have hard times look into it because it is good until 2011. Go to http://www.fha.gov and you will be able to click on Hope for Homeowners I think that is the link I clicked on. Or you maybe able to go to http://www.hud.gov too and find stuff. I have been doing a lot of research as I didn't know we would even be considered for HUD or FHA if we were at a Conventional Loan. So, I have been doing as much research as I can and so don't hold all this to be true for everyone as I am not totally sure but it is worth looking into if you come into trouble.

I want to say "THANK YOU" to everyone that has helped me out and for just listening and reading my post. You all mean so much to me and I hope that my outcome will come out of this really well, but who knows what tomorrow will bring to us all.

I want to let you all know that foremost IMPORTANCE in my life right now is SAVING my home or getting a home that will Accommodate everyone and their disabilities including mine. That is not working right now but I am still going to keep the faith and just stay positive and focused in all I am doing.

I know my HEALTH should be the most important thing right now but it isn't because if I was to worry about that I would be back in the hospital fighting for my life. The pictures I posted are OLDER pictures from when I had MRSA (Staph Resistant Infection). It is NO where never as bad as that and I am trying to make sure that it doesn't get that way. The only way I can do that is to be positive and think happy thoughts and try not to get over STRESSED or UPSET but right now that is not going in my direction but I am trying and that is all I can do right now.

Thank you all again for all your advice, prayers, thoughts, love and support. I truly really do appreciate everything from the bottom of my heart. You all are the best and look forward to talk with you all again soon. Thanks for everything and hope you have a very blessed day and hopefully I will be able to getting back into designing sometime soon after all this so I can show off my work. Take care and talk to you soon. God Bless Everyone!! Much love, support, prayers, and hugs, KAT :OD

Sad, Depression and need advice!

Hello and Good Afternoon Everyone who reads this blog,

I am very sad, depressed and all as you know what may or may not know what has been going on in my life. So, here goes as I am going to explain it again and look forward to this being long, but I will try to explain it short but into detail the best I can okay. LOL! Thanks for taking the time to even read this.

First off you know that I am disabled and most of you know that I am homebound. Well, the Sheriff's office SOLD our home on 1/8/09 but the good news is that NO ONE BIDDED on it. So, they bought the home back for $133,200 and the good news is if we can get the money to buy it back from them we can STAY in the home. The bad news is if we can't get the money we only have 30 days to find a place to move too. We know that the loan company will want at least the $133,200 but I know they will be asking for more I am sure because the original loan was for $180,000 at $1933 a month for the mortgage payment. That is why we were NOT able to afford that. But it was only $1200 and we were able to afford that and it just kept going up and up. We couldn't afford it and tried everything to get it reduced and tried to get them to work with us and nothing helped.

What I was wondering if there is anyone out there that would be willing to help me out in raising the money or even if someone would be willing to help me out to try to get the money. I would LOVE to stay where I am at and I would be willing to repay anyone that helps us back if it took me the rest of my life if just someone would help us out. We have had so much BAD LUCK and NO ONE that wants to help us including the Mortgage company. We called them so many times and get transferred to so many people and so on and NEVER get any answers. Most of the time we don't even get to talk to an actual person it is a voicemail or recording.


So, all of you know that my mom's boyfriend (husband so to speak been together 18 yrs). has become very ill and lost his job a few years ago and has been looking for work and because he has gotten ill he has not been able to even do that. And with how bad the times are no one will hire him. So, he finally got on medical insurance and was able to finally go to the hospital and doctor's and they are finding out but this is just a start and just get it started in January 2009 but filed for it back in Nov. 2008 and it is just now getting started. So, he has finally got a primary care and he is finding out he has Lymphedema and Nodules in his left leg, severe sleep apnea, Narcolepsy, and we are sure he has other issues but these are just a start. He is also morbid obese as well and has become homebound as well.

My mom is disabled as well and she is having to help take care of me and her hubby (whom I will refer him as) and her brother. She has major issues as well. One like I was telling you she may have cancer but can't find out until March 2009 because of Medicaid will not pick it up because it has not been 6 months. So, she can't find out until than if it is cancer or not. She was diagnosed 2 years ago with NON CANCEROUS CYSTS in the same breast but these new signs are deeper and there are more of them in the same breast. So, we don't know if they are the same ones or if it is cancer. Which I am hoping it is not. She also has 6 herniated disks in her back, Diabetic, high blood pressure and they (diabetes and blood pressure) are uncontrollable even with medicines. She is also a maniac depressed, has anxiety attacks, and panic attacks. She can't be around many people and if she has a spell she has to go and be by herself because of it. She has mood swings as well and maybe Bipolar but has NEVER been diagnosed in having it.

Now we go onto me which most of you know me I have what is called Primary Lyphedema/Elephantiasis in both legs. It is swelling in both legs and you are in a lot of pain and I am prone to infections which I have almost died all ready 4 times from the infections (MRSA-Staph Resistant Infection). I am very morbid obese but try to limit my intake and watch what I eat, I drink water all the time and I try to not eat any bad foods but my problem is being immobile and lack of money to get proper foods to eat that I can eat more than one time a day. Which 90% of the time I only eat 1 or 2 meals a day and that is it. Like today I have not eaten yet but 1 Scrapple & Egg & Cheese Sandwich on Wheat Toast and 2 bottles of Water all ready. I am depressed alot because I have been homebound now for over 6 years and I have not even been out to see a doctor in almost 3 yrs. No doctor will come to my home to see me at all because believe me you I have tried. I am on oxygen 24 hours a day as you can probably all ready be able to tell from my profile picture with my boyfriend (whom I consider my hubby been together 18 yrs as well). I have severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea.

Will continue saving because something is messing up with my computer sorry!!!

Sorry for not writing in a while

Sorry Everyone for not writing or being online in a while. I just have had so much going on in my life right now. Everything and anything you can think about is going on.

First my stepfather was rushed to the hospital on 11/18 and than me and rob have been so sick with bronchitis and pneumonia. My mom got a big scare from the doctor's. She has to go and have her breast fully diagnosed at the hospital but because she is on Medicaid she has to wait for the six month's to be up before they can do it again. She may have breast cancer but they can't rule it out until they do these other tests. Which really makes me so upset and mad. She can't have this done until March 2009 that will be the six months.

What else has been going on .. Oh well lets see my doggie has been sick and we had to take her to the vet. That was bad too and it cost us an arm and leg. Oh there just has been so much. Maybe I will be able to go on and on.

Oh yeah my grandmom finally got the divorce from my grandfather after 25 yrs together. She is still up here in Delaware. She come back around Oct. 4, 2008 and has been here since than but that was just to get the divorce finalized. She is leaving again on or right after Christmas if the divorce degree comes in or not. She is engaged to be remarried. Long story I know and it is not right I know but this is what she wants and no one is going to stop her. She is not my real grandmom but she is my stepfather's mom. I have always thought about her as my grandmom though.

Well, what else has been going on that I can write about? Well, if I think about it I will redo this okay. Take care and talk to you all soon. Thanks for everyone that has been really worried about me and I am totally sorry about all this. Take care and love you all. God bless and many hugs and love, KAT :OD

Sorry no post yesterday & maybe a short one today!

Well, I am really truly sorry about yesterday. I was so super DEPRESSED that I barely got on the computer and I did do up two tags though. I was really shocked that I did that. I really don't like them but I will show them in a little while. LOL!

I guess I am depressed alot because I am homebounded and in so much pain. But there is nothing really anyone can do for the pain but me to get the weight off and without being able to move around that is not going to happen. I don't eat much as it is and I don't drink anything but WATER and that is it. So, I guess it is just that I don't eat but maybe 1 or 2 meals a day and than I don't exercise but that is because of the pain. But life goes on and we still have to live even if it is from the pain or the weight. There is no need to cry over it but I do get in my moods that I get really depressed and I don't want to be around anyone. But yesterday I wanted to be around my hubby but I couldn't because he was busy working on a car and than he had to go and get supplies for that car. When I was able to go before I would go with him when he got supplies but now that I can't go out now I didn't get to go with him. So, I have been really lonely alot lately. Don't get me wrong I have my mom and stepfather and uncle that live with us but it is not being able to go out and be around other people and especially being around my hubby. It seems like he is always working. He is at work tonight on his day off. We didn't get to spend another week together and this is going on 2 months now. So, that is another reason I am really depressed. It seems like we never see each other but when we got bed and that is no more than 1 hour at the most.

So, I guess it is just me talking a bunch of stuff because most of the time I know it is just me. Or that is what I am told all the time.

I just needed to put this out and all just need to vent. Well, I guess I will for now and go and upload the tags I did yesterday. It took me a few hours just to get 2 tags done and usually it don't take me 15 mins to do a tag. LOL! So, I guess I was really down yesterday. I had a really bad panic attack too yesterday. I couldn't stop crying yesterday and my pain levels were really high like today. But I know why cry over it and all because there isn't anything anyone can do.

Well, I guess I will let you all go and take care and talk to you soon. God bless everyone!! Many hugs and love, KAT :OD

Sad & Depressed Monday Evening!

Tag designed by Me and if you want it tagged just email me or click here... You're Always On My Mind Tag

Well, here it is late Monday Evening and I am just getting on the computer. Boy where did the day go??? I have not been feeling well again today don't know what is going on with me. I was going to get on the computer earlier today but instead I ended up falling asleep on the sofa watching a movie on Lifetime TV. I guess that movie was too good that it actually put me to sleep unless it was because I took some Tylenol and all for the pain. We had a cold front come in today and it got cold and when it gets cold I start to hurt really bad.

Did you all do anything good for the first day of the week?

I was watching the News tonight and it is really sad about Jennifer Hudson's 7 yr old Nephew Julian. What gets into people's heads to make them go on a killing spree?? Like a little 7 yr old kid can do anything to an ADULT it just makes me so mad and it really upsets me so much that this can happen to a young person like this. Is anyone keeping up with this story? I was wondering why Jennifer's mom and brother were shot? What was it over? I heard it was to do with domestic abuse or something. Is this true? I know Jennifer Hudson has to be really upset over this especially when her career is just getting to take off the ground. Do you all know if she was very close to her mom and brother? I know so many questions. LOL!

Sometimes I don't know what makes someone want to kill. How do they actually shoot or stab someone. You really have to be down and out to really do this to another living thing. I hate to even kill a fly or a bug. It is just not right and I don't understand what brings a person to this. Just like so many people have said to me because of me being ill and all. They don't know how they would live with what I have for as long as I have done it because they would have killed themselves by now. I always answer to them with this...

"Why kill yourself? What is that going to solve? You will leave your loved ones and than you will not be able to go to heaven by doing this. Do you think by killing yourself that it is going to make things right or better? No because it is not."

It really upsets me that people would think because of the pain I am in that they would need to kill themselves because they could not put up with the pain and infections and stuff I have been through. But why do that because there are so many other people in this world that are more WORSE than I am and do you see them killing themselves? NO I answer!! So, why would you want to do it. They must have really low self esteem or low pain tolerance or something. It doesn't make any sense to me. Does it to you all?

Again I am sorry for not getting online sooner and doing this but I just have not had the strength to do anything lately. Maybe because I have been depressed too. There are so many things going on in my life right now. Money is the biggest thing of all evil here. There is not enough coming in and too much going out. With the economy the way it is now days I just don't know how anyone is making it. It is not right and maybe sometime soon the world and all of us can come together and get this straightened out. I am praying and hoping for that.

Well, I guess I will go for now and all hubby is just getting home and he is hungry. LOL! Well, you all have a great and blessed day and I will talk to you again tomorrow I am hoping. Hubby is home tomorrow but he has to work on his side job for Tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. I don't know if I will get any alone time with him again this week. Very sad over that because we have not had alone time together except for when we go to bed and that is no longer than an hour a day in over a month or better. Really getting lonely here.

Well, you all be good and don't get into any trouble now. Be nice and make sure you always tell your loved ones that you really love with all your heart and soul and give them all big hugs and kisses from you and from me. God bless you always and forever!! With all my love, support, prayers and hugs to your family from mine, KAT :OD